A Day in the Life of Phoebe the Pug

Phoebe's Schedule

5:00 AM – Snore. Open eyes when Man yells upstairs for me to go out. Fake sleep. Grumble and moan when he yells again. Go outside. Bark loudly when done so Man can bring me back inside. Go back to sleep.

5:10 AM – Yawn, stretch, look soulfully over at Woman who is getting up at this inhumane hour. Go back to sleep.

5:15 AM – Go downstairs and bang bowl around with head so Woman will get the hint and stop making her coffee and get me breakfast. Have a few bites. Go to Boy’s bedroom door and push door with head and snort. Give up and go upstairs and back to sleep with Girl.

6:15 AM – Growl, bark and attack the blankets when Woman wakes up girl.

6:20 AM – Yelp, growl, bark, whine and spin around like a demon dog when Woman tries to wake up Girl again. Sigh and get up. Pace back and forth making sure to weave in and out of human’s legs. Stay close to human’s legs to keep them warm. Get yelled at when they trip.

6:30 AM – Go downstairs to Boy’s room again. Push door with head repeatedly. When it opens immediately run under Boy’s bed and start eating objects found under bed. Get yelled at.

6:50 AM – Take position on top of sofa staring out window on to street. Observe humans leaving and getting in their car. Bark at them like you don’t know who they are.

7:01 AM – Go back to sleep.

9:00 AM – Get up and eat. Go back to sleep

11:00 AM – Dive bomb unsuspecting cat. Chase cat until she runs upstairs but don’t follow, (too much effort). Go back to sofa. Sleep.

12:00 PM – Sleep. Wake up and bark at falling leaf. Bark at elderly couple taking their walk, bark at cars driving past house – made them go away. Go back to sleep.

2:30 PM – Wake up and jump all over Boy. Lick Boy’s face. Go outside and run circles around front yard. Come back inside. Try and get back into Boy’s room to eat more small objects. Chew on some headphones. Get thrown out of room.

2:45 PM – Mailman arrives. Bark, snort, wail, jump on and off the couch, grab throw pillows with teeth and whip them around. Good – made him go away. Go back to sleep.

3:00 PM – Wake up and greet Girl. Jump on her lap and look in her book bag. Stick head deep in bag and extract tasty items like gum, candy, pencils or paper. Get yelled at. Go back to sleep.

3:15 PM – Wake up and greet Woman. Wag tail and snort. Stand in front of bowl and act like she forgot to feed me. Eat food forgetful Woman puts in bowl. Go back to sleep.

5:00 – 7:00 PM - Nap on sofa. Go in kitchen to see what’s cooking. Sit down and look pathetic . Drink water like I spent the day in the Sahara. Make sure to splash water onto the floor. Go investigate something good in the trash. Get yelled at. Go in bathroom and eat tissues. Go back to sleep.

8:00 PM – Greet Man. Wag tail and snort. Pretend I haven’t eaten to get another snack. Watch big box with lights. Go back to sleep.

9:00 PM – Yawn and stare at humans so they go upstairs to bed. Moan and sigh and walk with head down when being taken outside. Bark when done and race back into house. Jump on unsuspecting cat when she walks by sofa. Get hit in head by cat. Push Boy’s door open with head until door opens. Dive under bed and make lots of scraping and snorting noises. Get picked up and taken out of room. Nap on couch to wait for bedtime.

9:31 PM – Go upstairs to bed. Spread out on side of the bed on Woman's pillow. Look surprised when she moves me. Grunt and sigh and dig around the blankets for a good spot. Spread out and stick paws into human’s eyes, ears and back. Go to Sleep.

Love for No Reason by Marci Shimoff & Carol Kline

Love for No Reason by authors Marci Shimoff and my friend Carol Kline, was just released and is already bound for the NY Times Bestseller List! With endorsements from people such as Dr. Oz, Mariel Hemingway, Jack Canfield as well as authors John Gray (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus) and Marianne Williamson (A Return to Love), both #1 New York Times bestselling authors, Love for No Reason is certain to become a classic.

Our attitudes, experiences and sometimes even the way we were raised can affect our ability to give and accept unconditional love, yet it's something we all seek. The kind of relationships we have with our young children and pets is often based on this exact thing - unconditional, non-judgemental love with no expectations. What if you could perpetuate this type of love into all your relationships and interactions? What if you could learn how to incorporate this into your relationship with yourself? Marci and Carol explore this and more using both current scientific research on the biochemistry of love as well as spiritual and cultural wisdom from around the world. They've created a 7 Step Program designed to help people with:

• Healing yourself of destructive behaviors like workaholism, self-sabotage, and addictions. (Yes, even these have a lack of love as their root cause!)
• Recovering quickly from the most stressful situations.
• Becoming the kind of parent you've always wanted to be—more patient, understanding, accepting, encouraging, and loving than you already are! (And it's never too late for this … no matter how old your kids are.)
• Boosting all areas of your health—physical, mental, and emotional—as well as increase your longevity, lower your blood pressure, and reduce the risk of depression.
• Enjoy more meaningful, lasting, and fulfilling relationships—not only with others but with yourself as well.
• Becoming more patient and accepting, while still finding the wisdom, drive, and confidence to go after any changes that truly matter to you.

Marci and Carol have collaborated on many projects before. They co-authored the NY Times Bestselling Happy for No Reason, and several Chicken Soup for the Soul books. Marci Shimoff was a featured teacher on The Secret. Carol Kline was the author and editor of Chicken Soup for the Cat & Dog Lover's Soul - the book that started my journey as a published writer. Her guidance, support and ever-present sharp sense of humor (even at 2 am in the morning editing with me over the phone!), helped me build the confidence and experience I needed to pursue the dream of writing my own book. I've just started reading Love for No Reason on my Kindle and it was difficult to put it down to even update my blog! Here in New York we are digging out of a snowstorm - how fortunate for me that school is closed today - so back to reading!

Love for No Reason is available at Amazon, Amazon Kindle, Barnes & Noble, and all major book stores.

Christmas Shopping at the Mall - Otherwise Known as the Seventh Level of Hell

"I want my niece's ears pierced" said the loud overbearing woman with the fuzzy white hat.

"Fine, do you have custody of her?" replied the tired overworked sales girl behind the counter.

"What do you need to know that for?! I'm a paying customer! If I want her ears pierced then that's all you need to know!" Fuzzy hat's voice was getting louder - even louder than the disco version of Jingle Bells playing over the store's speaker system.

"Well" sighed the poor sales girl "I need permission from a parent in order to pierce ears on a minor."

All was silent for a moment save for the music in the background.

Jing-jing-jingle bells-wichy-wichy-woo-woo...

"It's a Christmas gift! It's a surprise!" screamed the woman with the fuzzy white hat - the hat looking whiter compared to her reddening complexion. It was a nice contrast.

"How is it a surprise? - If she's right here getting her ears pierced. She's going to know, especially once she feels the needle go through her ear lobe." Sales girl was gaining my admiration. I could sense I wasn't alone - others were quietly watching what would evolve. Mariah Carey had replaced the bad disco Jingle Bells -

"All I want for Christmas is you-oooo-ooh-ohh baaaby...." .

"I BROUGHT MY NIECE HERE TO GET HER EARS PIERCED FOR CHRISTMAS! HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME...I'M NOT SOMEONE OFF THE STREET!" (Isn't that how she got to the mall - from the street? Just a thought.)

"Sorry Ma'am. I need a parent here to pierce anything. Store policy. It prevents minors from getting things pierced without permission."

"I'M GIVING HER PERMISSION!" the woman yelled. The girl with the un-pierced ears looked like she was backing up away from the crowd. "YOU GET BACK HERE!

Fuzzy hat screeched. Yes...it was actually a screech. Excitement was building here at Clare's Boutique at the Mall, yes indeed.

"You're not the parent. Can we call her mother - maybe that would be okay?" Sales girl was really impressing me. At this point I would've probably just called for the manager-or mall security.

"NO. IT'S GOING TO BE A SURPRISE! I"M A PROFESSIONAL DAMN IT! I'M...I'M A REGISTERED NURSE!!"

And that's when I didn't keep my mouth shut. All I had to do was leave quietly, go to the candle store or sample cheese or something at the Hickory Farms Stand, but no. That would've been too easy.

"If you're a registered nurse, why can't you pierce them yourself?" I asked.

For a moment it was quiet, except of course for the end of Mariah's song. I've heard Mariah has a five octave range. Fuzzy Hat seemed to be able to hit six.

"COME ON!" The Aunt grabbed her poor niece by the arm and roughly steered her out of the store. There was a bit of applause and people saying "Yeah!" and "I hope I don't end up in her hospital!" I checked out my items and the sales staff asked me if I'd like a complimentary light-up feather pen. I said thanks anyway, but I already had so many feather light-up pens already.

Nobody questioned this.

After this I went to the bookstore. Nothing like this happens at the bookstore.

Happy Shopping! There's 15 more shopping days left until Christmas - enjoy the carnage!

cranky shopper photo courtesy of 123rf royalty free photos.

Book Signing and Holiday Shopping Book Fair at Barnes & Noble, Newburgh New York

If you're going to be in the Hudson Valley Area next weekend December 11th through 12th, come check out the Valley Central Holiday Book Fair at the Newburgh, NY Barnes & Noble.

This two day celebration of the Valley Central Community is a great way to support our kids and reading. Please join us on Dec. 11th & 12th at Barnes and Noble. Here is a link for directions and further information. http://store-locator.barnesandnoble.com/event/3074548

When you check out, please use code:

Fair #10312056

Partial schedule of events: Jazz performed by Mike Antonelli and Tom Venable. Valley Central High School Group For the Animals & The Humane Society of Walden Presentation. The award winning VCHS Chamber Choir. Our lovely and talented Mrs. Melissa Verlin will be performing. A.J. Nappo will play the piano accompanied by teacher and well known local singer Lisa Aguilera - VC high school teachers will be reading Children's books throughout Sunday - come meet your future teachers!

Book Signings by authors:

Meet the author Travis Nichols; author of Punk Rock Etiquette; The Ultimate How-to-Guide for Punke, Indie and Underground Bands. Check out more here:

http://us.macmillan.com/punkrocketiquette

Colleen Venable Children's Author. Check out her books and more here:

http://www.colleenaf.com/bookscomics/

Romance Author Allie Boniface. Check out her books and more here:

http://www.allieboniface.com/books.html

And finishing up Saturday with me, Lisa Duffy-Korpics. with stories and signings of Tales from a Dog Catcher. Read a review here:

http://www.fetchdog.com/blogs/bookhound/General/tales_from_a_dog_catcher

All profits to go to the Valley Central Scholarship Council to directly help our community children make the dream of going to college a reality! To see the entire schedule of events go to this link check out the Book Fair Facebook Page at:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=150496421655165

I'll be there on Saturday December 11th at 7 pm. So drop by before or after dinner and come say hi. Hope to see you there.

Photo courtesy of Dreamstime.com

Happy Thanksgiving from Tales from a Dog Catcher

Thanksgiving - a time to be thankful.

For my loyal readers; it's probably been pretty obvious that I've been going through some sad times. I know I'm not alone - but times like these cause my mind to drift back to those holidays filled with people who are no longer here - about the holiday plans I looked forward to this year that were completely planned around someone I lost in the past few months. I look around my circle of people close to my heart, and I see empty spaces - the list growing too quickly for comfort.

Tales from a Dog Catcher has been reviewed as a book that has encouraged people to be more reflective, grateful for things they'd overlooked. It's been reviewed as a good book to help those dealing with grief. In a way, that's sort of ironic. Maybe I need to read it again myself. I didn't write that book to elicit and manipulate emotions that I didn't feel myself. That book is me - the me underneath my sarcasm, humor and purposeful facade. I need to remember that.

Today I'm looking forward. It may not be something that's easy but it's something I have to do. For not only myself, but for those people in my life who are no longer here - but would be the first ones to tell me to "get over myself"...to live while I can, enjoy everything while it's here and be totally present. Today I give thanks for my family, sitting here with my brother and sister in law in their warm welcoming home with my husband, children, neices and my mother in law. I'm thankful for my family and friends back at home. For those I see everyday, for those I only get to see every few months, and for those I haven't seen in years.

Thanks to my readers for giving me an opportunity to share my stories and reflections, and for your kind and insightful comments and questions. I'm slowly moving on the sequel and I hope it comes to fruition - there are still yet tales to tell.

I wish all of you a wonderful Thanksgiving, filled with laughter, great food, family and friends. Time to reflect on what you're thankful for - and time to reflect on not just what you've lost, but what you have to gain by opening your heart to the amazing array of possibilities that presents itself to us every day with the simple act of a sunrise.

Happy Thanksgiving from the Dog Catcher. :)

Until We Meet Again...a Eulogy for my Guardian Angel

It is an enormous struggle to find words that express great love, because love is so vast, so intangible. It is beyond description. So I tried to find a way to describe Laila in a way that would truly illustrate who she was and how she lived her life.

And the word I finally came up with was an angel. An angel on earth that walked among us. But that in itself is a word that I believe needs explanation, because there are so many things that angels do. So I looked up the definition of an angel in both secular and biblical references and here is what I found.

A kind and lovable person

One who manifests goodness and selflessness

They are revealers, who show us what we are sometimes too blind to see

They are guides, who take our hand and guide us when we’ve lost our way

Providers who provide physical needs to others like shelter and food to the homeless and hungry

Protectors who keep you away from danger….and deliverers - who pull you out of danger once you’re in the midst of it

They strengthen and encourage those around them

They are those who God chooses to use as intermediaries to answer prayers.

Laila was all of these things. And what makes this so incredibly amazing is that while she was growing up – there were many times in her life where she could’ve used her own angel to guide her through the many difficult roads she had to travel. How could such a beautiful gentle soul endure so much pain in her young life – and become someone who embodied everything that is good and selfless and kind? She became a loving wife to Frank- I believe with divine intervention since he is an angel in his own right, and together they created a life together and a marriage that lasted for 45 years. She was a wonderful mother – who protected and guided and loved her children beyond measure.

She opened her heart, and her home to others who were less fortunate. You may wonder why I am the one writing this? It’s because I was one of them...one of the less fortunate. Many turn the other way when they see a child being abused or mistreated – especially when the last thing they need is another mouth to feed – another problem to deal with – but she didn’t. Maybe it was because when she needed someone to help her when she was that age – there had been no one willing to do it for her.

35 years ago she took my hand and promised me "I'm not going to let anyone hurt you anymore" and in that moment became more than a friend, or my neighbor...she became my mother...she revealed a future I couldn’t see, protected and delivered me from danger, and changed the course of my life.

I’m not the only one with this kind of story. Looking around at the wake, at all the people sitting around in chairs honoring and celebrating her life, I realized that if it were not for her and of how she lived her life – some of those chairs would've been empty - not because of choice, but because the people sitting in them wouldn't have been alive to be there …the one my own father sitting on being one of them. If that doesn’t explain who she was, and how her legacy of love lives on. Then nothing can.

Her sharp sense of humor would surprise you sometimes. She’d put a plate of food in front of us and one of us would say;

“It’s hot”

And she’d say “Well – yes…it wasn’t cooked in the refrigerator!”

As children, she would encourage our mischief and delight in our laughter. I remember helping to make meals with Janie, while dancing and singing to the Blues. She’d pretend she didn’t know what we were up to – but I know now that she always did. Half the time she was the co-conspirator.

She could stop your tears and make you laugh – and then make you forget about what you were crying about in the first place.

She was an exceptional Mom.

Laila leaves her loving family, her devoted husband Frank of 45 years, her beautiful daughter Jane and her husband Kurt, her lovely daughter Donna and her husband Jeff, six grandchildren, including her beloved grandson Tommy, who along with her wonderful daughters Donna and Jane and her best advocate and wonderful son-in-law Kurt, sat with her until the end. She is also survived by her devoted sister Gloria. She was predeceased by two children, three brothers, and her beloved Pekingese Shadow, all of whom are finally together again.

Ancient Egyptians believed that upon death – they would be asked two questions, and their answers would determine whether they could continue their journey in the afterlife.

The first question was; “Did you find joy?”

The second question was; “Did you bring joy?”

And that is how I know where she is now.

Ancient Eygptian Quote attributed to Dr. Felice Leonardo Buscaglia Ph.D

To Every Thing There is a Season...or is There?

What do you do when you have no time to cry?

The days come. You know the ones... the dates that are carved into your heart. Days that deserve to be opened up like a box of old photographs, or a hope chest. Days where you should sit and sift through memories and smile and cry and remember...and most of all just feel.

Why is there no time to feel?

Is it American culture? Is it healthier to move on - forge ahead - be strong and resilient and look to the future? People tell us that all the time. Focus on the now, the immediate, the errands, the responsibilities, life.

But I don't want to do that right now. I want to sit and remember how the rain felt pelting against my face mixing with my tears while I stood at a grave on a crisp wet October morning some years ago.

I want to scroll through the text messages I sent every night connecting me somehow over the miles to someone who can no longer text me back. Days ago he did..and now he can't. I want to process this - but there's no time. At what distance does it become impossible to send text messages? To receive them? Can I measure it? If I could, I would because then maybe I'd understand. I sent some to him yesterday. At what point is that futile? At what point is that faith?

Life is for the living. It is a gift. It is a journey. It is all of these things and more. There is time to appreciate it - but there doesn't seem to be any time for allowing the pain that goes along with all of the joy to let the sorrow wash over you. It won't hurt you. You won't melt. But everyone's afraid of it. I want the world to stop turning just for a little bit - just long enough to let me feel it. I don't want to wallow - I want to cry and remember and feel....because I think only then can I heal.

But first I have to make dinner. Grade papers. Make a test. Pick up my son from school, coax my daughter into the bath, take out the dog, answer the phone, pay the bills and prepare to begin another day of life bright and early tomorrow where I will smile and perform and be productive because that is what is expected of me. I'm grateful. I'm lucky. I'm blessed.

But... I still just want some time to cry.

Photo courtesy of Jenny Ellerbee

Your Life was a Gift to so Many

You broke into my house and put up a Christmas Tree - force feeding me holiday spirit.

You made me buy Halloween pumpkins and candy and told me to "get over myself". I did. You camped out on my couch and then my cat preferred you and didn't sleep with me anymore.

You would bring me coffee because you told me that I was too evil to be spoken to before I finished that first cup.

You were right.

You taught me how to wash my floor, leaving one side (yours) sparkling clean and the other (mine) dingy gray. When I asked you to help me finish you said "This isn't MY floor - I simply provide the knowledge and the tools!"

You used up all my hot water and then told me that since I was not a morning person it was in my best interest to have a cold shower to wake me up. You knew I didn't have enough money for groceries so you stockpiled bags and bags of bagels in my freezer so that I'd have enough for months - making bagels my major food group. When I wore my black skirt with the black vest and white shirt you asked me when I would be milking the cows since I had apparently decided that I was now Amish.

I changed the outfit.

The first time I met you, you said "So, you live in Peekskill. That's right past my house on the highway - so....I'll meet you out by the car everyday so you can drive me home; okay?" So...

we became commuting buddies. Then before driving you home, you made me empty all the old trash and paper cups out of the back seat before you would let me start the car. You even counted them...I think there were at least 15 or so empty cups.

You made me laugh harder than anyone ever had in my life before. You forced me to look at myself and see that I was looking at the glass half empty - and that it was the only thing getting in the way of leading a happy life. You told me to say yes to that date with the new math teacher, he was a good guy. He was...we've been married almost 18 years now. You cracked open my heart and enriched my life with your wonderful, pushy eternal optimism. You made me notice and appreciate things I would've never seen were it not for you.

You loved life with an enthusiasm and joy that I always admired. You didn't see strangers - you saw potential friends. You grew up, but never lost that childlike ability to see magic in all the things that the rest of us lose as we grow older. Your purity of spirit is something I can strive for, but I'll never achieve it because there aren't many like you here on earth. I think God only allows a few - just to show us what we're missing - to teach us about the real meaning of life and love and strength and joy.

I am so blessed that I was given the gift of knowing you - and if you can hear me from where you are - and when I close my eyes I think I can see you - with your head lying on your Dad's chest listening to his heart beat while he strokes your hair - finally holding the son he's missed for so long....there's something I want to tell you beside the obvious - that I love you and your friendship was a gift in my life that I will always hold close to my heart until I see you again...

...I want you to know, Frank....that the back seat of my car is totally clean - no cups anywhere.

And so is my floor.

xxoo

http://www.brookscremations.com/obits/printout.php?oid=47132

Unconditional Positive Regard

When I was around 12 years old, I flipped my bike trying to navigate a rocky narrow trail through the woods on my way to buy some grape gum from a nearby store. I crash landed in a thorn bush right on top of a wasp's nest. I guess you could say it wasn't a good day.

This all could've been avoided had I listened to my mother, who told me that very day - actually only minutes before the incident - not to take my bike on the trail and not to go to the store. Of course I knew best, being almost a teenager and all...and the result of my noncompliance was over 20 stings combined with multiple cuts and bruises.

What happened when I got home? How much trouble did I get into? You would think that I definitely deserved to be punished, especially because I blatantly disregarded both directives, but I didn't. Instead, my mother cleaned all my abrasions and stings and treated them with antibiotic ointment, removed several thorns and then made me pancakes. While eating the pancakes I asked her;

"Aren't you going to yell at me or something?"

To which she answered. "No."

"Why not?" I asked. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I kept waiting, but nothing happened. She looked at me carefully and said. "The reason for a punishment is to get you to learn something. I think you learned today that there was a reason for my rules. I doubt you will ever do that again and the last thing you need right now, feeling as bad as you do, is for me to say "I told you so"."

She was right. I'd already punished myself worse than she would have. I learned that she had reasons behind her rules and that they weren't just designed to control me or to prevent me from having fun. I also felt that she had enough confidence in me so that in the end, I'd have the ability to learn from my mistakes. I felt sore, embarrassed, and guilty...but I also felt empowered. She trusted me, even though I didn't feel very trustworthy at the moment. I never forgot the incident, but what's clearest in my memory is not the pain of the cuts and stings, but the lessons I learned from it.

That's the kind of mother I've tried to be. It's the kind of teacher I strive to be. One who inspires confidence, tries to teach accountability, and focuses on what the famous Humanist Psychologist Carl Rogers called unconditional positive regard - acceptance of a person without negative judgment of their self worth. It's hard at times, and I find that sometimes I want to tell my children "I told you so!" when I've asked them to do something numerous times and they didn't listen to me. I want to remind my students of due dates on a daily basis, up until the actual date the paper is due...but I stop myself. At some point learning only takes place when it's internalized. In order to get there - sometimes you have to make a few mistakes. Knowing someone cares about you anyway is important at those times. It's important at all times.

Hold on tight to those people in your life who show you unconditional regard - they are precious. When they're gone - they're irreplaceable. Tomorrow it will be seven years since I sat next to her, held her hand and watched her go away to a place where hopefully everyone is treated with unconditional positive regard. I know she deserves it.

The Day the World Changed

Nine years ago today I was in my classroom when I heard plane engines. Our school is near an airport and this is not an uncommon occurrence by any means. That day however; it was different. Louder. So loud that the windows started shaking in their frames. I stopped teaching for a moment - I couldn't talk over it. Then it was over.

Someone said "That plane was really low. Something must be wrong."

And it was.

Everyone who remembers knows where they were at the moment when they found out that the first tower was hit. My colleague came into my classroom and told me that terrorists had hijacked a plane and flew it into the World Trade Center. So close, she said. Only about 40 miles away. I remember what I said next.

"My husband works across the street from the World Trade Center."

She looked at me carefully and said quietly. "You might want to call him."

The next few hours were a blur. The phone lines weren't working. Cell phone service was down. All circuits were busy. I tried every phone I could; but to no avail. Parents started streaming into the school to pick up their children. I could understand that. There's something about holding your child close to you that makes you feel like you are in control - that in a small way you can keep your feet on solid ground when it's shifting beneath you. I remember trying to find a way for someone to go get my own children for me until I could figure out what to do. What to tell them? I wasn't sure how much they would be told, or if they would understand. I didn't want anyone else to tell them about this until I knew where he was. All the bridges were shut down and I was across the river from them. My mind was working on a different level as I helped console students and figure out what my next step was going to be. I went about each task with a sense of unreality. I remember wondering if this was going to be the day when my life changes forever.

Everyone's life changed that day. Some in a tragic, unimaginable way. The American Psyche shifted from a place where we thought we were safe - to the realization that what happens in other parts of the world was just as much a reality for us. No one is exempt from terrorism.

I recall how I felt when they paged me over the P.A. in school. I started walking from one end of the building towards the office, people looking at me without saying a word, some averting their eyes. I represented their fears. I could feel their empathy, their hope and even their relief that this wasn't happening to them. It's a natural emotion. It's why we go and look at our sleeping children when we hear on the news of the fire that killed a family in their sleep. We can cry for them, but need to make sure that tragedy hasn't somehow reached out to touch one of our own.

My heart was pounding in my throat. The last few yards I couldn't stand it anymore and started to run. "He called!" the secretaries told me. One was crying. "We hung up on him by accident, but he's fine. He's home!" They were so excited that they disconnected him. He called back. I heard his voice and he tried to tell me what he saw but he couldn't talk. There was too much to say. He'd already picked up the kids. They were all home waiting for me. My principal told me. "Go now, they opened the bridge." I left.

That night I saw his name on a missing person's list online. As I responded to tell them he was okay - I knew that we were lucky. Luck, that's all it was. He'd had to choose between two jobs when he interviewed in lower Manhattan months before. One was in the towers and the other nearby. We never know the repercussions of our choices until later.

On that Tuesday, a clear cloudless sky became blackened with fear. Lives changed, America changed. The world changed. Some of the choices people made that day were to sacrifice themselves to save others, knowing full well what they were walking into, but doing it all the same. Today I think of them and of those who simply got up and went to work like any other day, not realizing the repercussions of that simple choice. And I feel empathy, and relief, and guilt, and the collective grief of a nation that lost its innocence nine years ago today.