Grief and Loss - Sometimes Feeling Sad is the First Step to Feeling Better

There has been a lot of loss this summer. The news brings us more of it each day. My God daughter's four year old dog died suddenly a week ago from bloat. For those of you not familiar with that, if you've seen the movie Marley & Me, that was what sent Marley to the vet near death. He survived. Most dogs don't. The other day I was looking up something on the web about pet loss, and I found that my book was included in a suggested reading catalog on a Social Work site on the topic of grief. While that may seem odd for a book with a smiling dog on the cover, it really isn't. I was really thrilled to see that. Thrilled you say? Thrilled and grief in the same sentence? Let me explain.

I felt that whoever included it among the self help books for grieving must have really read every page, and understood exactly what I was trying to do. They got it! There is a lot of loss in the book. Some like that about it, while there are some readers who don't. I think that some weren't prepared for it, since many of the stories are humorous and heartwarming - yet they are true stories, and as such, reflect the realities of life's inconsistencies. Yes, there are many happy endings, but sometimes they aren't the happy endings we envision. Sometimes in life, we don't understand why things happen and often we become angry and disappointed and wonder why? While writing this book, there were chapters that were so difficult to write that I would have to take a break from them. I would be sitting at my computer with tears streaming down my face and my daughter would ask "Mommy, are you okay?" and my husband would tell her. "She's fine, don't worry, she's just writing."

A friend of mine who read the book prior to its official release date didn't understand why I was shifting from happy, to funny to heartbreaking within the chapters. He thought it was rather random, and thought that maybe putting them in categories would be better. I explained to him that it was the polar opposite of random, it was extremely deliberate. I wanted to run the emotional gamut. I wanted a happier chapter to follow a very sad one...as soon as someone felt that they were too sad to read anymore, they would laugh out loud at something else and continue on. As soon as all seemed futile, there was hope. This was all done on purpose because I wanted, more than anything else, for the reader to feel. There is sadness in truth, as well as laughter and joy - but most importantly - there is always hope. I am honored that this could be a book that may help someone who is grieving. Sometimes having a good cry is cleansing and makes us feel less alone. Sometimes even feeling sad is better then the numbness that can paralyze you when you are grieving. Grief is a topic I am very familiar with, and some of the most unlikely books have helped me through the toughest of times. I would be honored if mine can possibly do that for someone else someday.

photo courtesy of Psychology Today.