You had a year of firsts! You lived on your own for almost a year, bought your own food, (sorta), came and went as you pleased whether it was in a town not far from home, a bustling urban mecca or a rural campus in another state where most of the students used words like “Pop” for soda or “Grinder” for a sub – your Mom was with you every second you were away, wondering if you were okay during the day, eating enough, being safe, trusting the right people, meeting new people she hasn’t known since they were 8 years old, rebounding from the inevitable hurt that comes with being a young woman and stepping into the world of relationships, getting enough sleep, feeling sick or sad. Everything you felt, your Mom felt too but was powerless to intervene, help or console you. Maybe for the first time you felt powerful; but your Mom felt powerless.
2 2. Even if you were an independent sort; your Mom still knew where you were, could slip into your room to watch you sleep (only for a second, okay two seconds; it’s not creepy – it’s sweet and you’ll get it someday when you have your own kids). Your Mom was still a Mother who had her children living in her home. Even though she knows you’ll always love her; she was sort of demoted from MOM to mom. Evidently that’s the goal of parenting; but it still hurts no matter how proud you are.
3 3. It’s a year of new beginnings for you, but your Mom likely focused on the year before – a year of endings that were exciting and memorable and bittersweet. They were even more so for you –but for you they signaled a door closing only for another more exciting door to open. In a way your Mom felt the closing of the door in an entirely different way; yet cheered you on, allayed your anxiety and tried to make the transition as smooth as possible. She knew that this was the last door you would walk through together as a pair. You were too busy and excited to realize it, as it should be. It was hard to not think about the first time you walked into a school holding hands when you were so resistant to let go. The ease at which you were eager to let go now was a sign of success….job well done….the creation of a self assured confident young woman such as you. It was still bittersweet.
4 4. A lot of the fun, the friends, the laughter, the noise and even the drama that followed you made life interesting and exciting – if at times a bit exhausting. It was a cloud of joy that followed you wherever you went and when you left; the silence was deafening.
5 5. She may not understand there are new boundaries right away…she will. Give her time and confide in her when you feel comfortable doing so because she will carry your secrets to her grave which is a promise all best friends make and keep – you’ve moved into an additional category - daughter/best friend. Respect that. It’s sacred. Give her some slack because she understands that there are some secrets that are yours alone – because she was your age once too. It is essential that every woman should have some great secrets to look back on when she’s 80. Your mother does, as did hers, and hers before – these are the times when you make them.
6 6. She’s learning too. Just like you are growing from a girl to a woman and then sometimes want to crawl back into the comfort of just being a girl, your Mom understands that and doesn’t see it as a weakness. If you need to, and you probably will, have to push her away at times to become who you are; she may need to be reminded of this. Don’t worry about offending her because she understands but it may take a while for her to accept it. She gets it because she remembers what it’s like to be 19, 20, 21 and the risks, dangers, incredible joy and excitement that waits behind every corner. She gets it because as old as she is; she sometimes feels that way too. It’s the inherent nature of being a woman – you are never too old to need your Mom.
7 7. You Mother loves you more than herself. That never changes. It may be annoying but as you get older you will understand and appreciate it more because when you’re young you just accept it as fact. Unfortunately, you may only understand it once she’s no longer here – but realize that she knew you would. There is a saying that having a daughter, (or a son), is like wearing your heart outside your body for the rest of your life. It’s a terrifying beautiful feeling that you will understand one day all too well and if life smiles upon you; you may get to share that together. Give her a hug, a Starbucks drink and promise not to text and drive and she’ll leave you alone for a while.
8 8. So, if your Mom is driving you a bit crazy right now, realize it’s because she’s feeling a bit crazy right now. Actually; she is a bit crazy right now but try and remember when you were 6 and made up a story and told your whole school your family was going on a 10 day cruise for 50 dollars a person and everyone’s parents and teachers called her to find out how she got this great deal and she covered for you. She had your back then.
S 9. She’ll have it forever.
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